That Darned Brat! v30
by Miss Woodford
Summary: Newly corrected and final version. Maes Hughes narrates the story of Shou Tucker trying to get intimate with Edward Elric, who doesn't react the way he expected. I predict a riot. Rated for extreme profanity. Please R & R!


That Darned Brat!

**Author's note:** After seeing a couple of stories which had Shou Tucker as a pedophile, molesting Edward, I started thinking up this story in which Ed refuses to play along, and fights back. This is the third draft, after some thinking about it, I went back in and corrected some 'clunky' paragraphs.

**Rating: **M, for implied sexual situations, and violence, plus unspeakably bad language

**Disclaimer: **I don't own FMA, nor any of it's characters, which are the sole provonce of the honorable Hiromu Arakawa. Until I get it out of my system, this darn anime owns ME!

On to the story:

From the personal journal of Lt. Colonel Maes Hughes:

October 31st: It's been a very, very, very, very boring day, nothing much of note to talk about. It seemed to take a year for the hands of the clock to point to 2145 hours (_that's 9:45 PM to civilians_) and I could pack up my desk and head home to my very pregnant wife, Gracia. After filing away the military paperwork, I picked up a seperate sheet of paper I had titled _Baby Checklist_: doctor's phone number: check. hospital's phone number: check. Gracia's overnight bag: check. Nursery painted: check. Crib set up: check. Changing table stocked: check. Breast pump purchased: check. Etc: check. Everything looked good to go for BA _(Baby's Arrival_) - Day. I had just finished reviewing the page when the phone rang.

Dammit. Some flunky somewhere probably wanting a file which would was so old it would be in the basement archives, and it would take half the night to find. Dammit, dammit! The phone kept ringing. I was of half a mind to ignore it, if it really was important, they would call back.

It kept ringing. Dammit, dammit, DAMMIT! I grabbed the receiver off the hook in mid-brriinnngggg; and said (with more heat than I meant to use, usually I have perfect 'phone manners'.), "Hughes, here!" The voice on the other end was frantic, galloping along so fast, I couldn't get a word in edgewise. I caught a few words as they flew by: Tucker, Elric, fight. Waitaminnit. _ELRIC!_ I didn't have to guess which one the caller meant.

An image floated to my mind's eye of a sulky blond boy in black top and pants, a red coat, and a punk-ass attitude. A rather pretty child - or he would be if it wasn't for that volcanic temper of his.He had lots of "hot buttons" and Mustang delighted in pushing all of them. Once the kid passed the State Alchemy exam (_are you nuts Mustang? He's only eleven_!) he positively relished anticipating that darned brat being under his command._ "Think on it, Hughes, he's going to become the youngest State Alchemist ever, and I, Col. Roy Mustang discovered him, Edward Elric will be my second greatest achievement. After becoming Fuhrer, of course!" _

"Sir? SIR! What do we do?" The babbling voice resolved itself into that of Sergeant Denny Bloch - along with 2nd Lieutenant Maria Ross - he had been assigned the job of "minding" the Elric brothers. What with TWO serial killers active in Central - one targeting State Alchemists - Roy was protecting his investment. "Bloch, I couldn't understand a word you just said, calm down and repeat yourself."

The gist of which was a violent argument had just broken out between Edward Elric, and Shou Tucker - the Sewing Life Alchemist - who was supposed to be preparing the elder brother to take the exam. Damn Tucker - I had heard rumors about him and his fondness for boys - maybe he was too fond - sounded like he'd finally crossed the line this time and gotten his roaming hands slapped.

I sighed heavily. "We'll be right there, Bloch." Dammit with a cherry on top to the nth degree! I hung the phone up - hard, grabbed my cap and greatcoat, then headed down the hall to Mustang's office. Good, light under his door, he was still at work. I knocked and said "It's Hughes! We've got trouble!" It was quiet for a moment, then I heard a heavy sigh and a "Come in."

I opened the door and poked my head around as he grunted "What now?" Roy Mustang, man of action - except when he was as bored as I was. "This will cheer you up no end Roy, there's a riot breaking out over at the Tucker mansion." Roy grunted again: "Elric?" Who else?

Havoc drove us over - we buckled in and held on for dear life 'cause Havoc drives like a maniac - but he gets you there faster than anyone. He had to slow down once he got to the street the mansion was on because of all the people in robes and slippers lining the roadway, who had been woken up by all the ruckus. I recognized the bulky form of the younger Elric brother, Alphonse in his armor - what was he holding in his arms? We jerked to a stop in front of the Tucker mansion - all the lights were blazing - as a panicked Sergeant Bloch ran out the front door.

"Thank the heavens you're here sir! The door to Tucker's bedroom is locked, we can't break it down!" Iset a finger tomy mouth and frowned at Bloch: Nip it, soldier! Mustang unfolded his long body from the opposite side just as an unearthly loud scream ripped from the house along with the simultaneous crashing of a chairthrough a window on the second story.

"AAAHHHH!" The sound came from Alphonse as the chair hit the frozen ground just inside the front gates and smashed into numerous bits of splintered wood. Now I saw the trembling suit of armor held a weeping Nina Tucker in his arms - and she was wearing only a flannel nightgown.

"Alphonse! Doesn't she have a robe - or slippers?" "I - I'm sorry, sir!" the boy stammered "but we didn't have time, Nina was so scared, we came out here right away!" The dog - what was it's name? - oh yeah, Alexander - whined in agreement.

OK, first things first, get this little girl warm. "Al, put her and the dog in the backseat for now." Then I leaned in the front window and told Havoc to turn up the car heater. While I did that, Roy questioned Alphonse as to what had happened.

Alphonse wasn't quite sure; he'd been reading a bedtime story to Nina, he'd remembered seeing Edward passing the bedroom door with a book - going towards her father's room - Tucker had called him for something. Nina had barely fallen asleep, and he was tip-toeing out of her room when the trouble started. She's promptly woken back up, crying; she was so scared, he took her and Alexander outside.

And I could see how the noise going on upstairs could frighten a little girl - even I felt a bit apprehensive. No words could be made out, just loud banshee- like screams and yells; I looked over at Mustang and he back at me, without a further word (first I gave Al a reassuring pat on the arm), we entered bedlam.

The noise, along with various thumps and bangs was even louder inside, Lt. Ross came down the steps to report. She threw a neat salute and said "Sir! I regret to report the occupants of the room refuse to unlock the door, and I am unable to break the door down." Mustang sketched a quick salute and told her to stand at ease. She stood aside with a worried look on her face, muttering _"He's just a child!"_ The caterwauling began to resolve itself as we climbed the stairs, a very angry growl - Elric, counterpointed by a hysterical girlish - sounding scream - Tucker; the words still weren't clear, but some sounded four letterish.

Mustang pounded on the door: "This is Colonel Mustang! Open up at once!" **"GO TO HELL!"** barked a swift reply. Then the hysterical voice: "Oh, now look what you've done! Do you see what trouble you've caused, you little brat!" **"KISS MY ASS!"** That was directed at Tucker, but Roy clenched his jaw.

"Hughes! he barked "On the count of three!" We set ourselves. One. Started forwards. Two. Accelerated to ramming speed. Three! Two booted feet snapped the lock and set the door flying open. What a sight met our eyes, I wish I'd never answered that damn phone, I wish I'd let someone else take on this thankless task.

Edward Elric stood with his back to us, his sleeveless black shirt rumpled, and torn in a few spots, blonde hair ruffled, a few golden strands lay on the carpeted floor. There was a reddened scratch - bleeding sluggishly - on one cheek, he was huffing and puffing hard. And most worrisome, he'd transmuted his metal hand into a wicked sharp blade, the first inch or so of the tip red with blood.

We walked further into the room and I could see the boy's face was so black with rage, his gold eyes glittered like lightning bolts were about to shoot from them. Shou Tucker stood a few feet away, he wore pants - top button undone - and an opened dressing gown.He had numerous scratches on his pigeon chest, one gown sleeve was ripped - the edges stained with blood, and both of his hands were bleeding badly.

"Thank GAWD you are here, Colonel!" he screeched, "This ungrateful little brat is trying to kill me!"

**"TOUCH ME AGAIN AND I WILL!"** Elric roared back "Be glad I just sliced your damn hands up!"

"BE QUIET! BOTH OF YOU!" thundered Mustang. He pointed at the furious kid, "Elric, go downstairs with Hughes!" Edward just glared, he was so angry he couldn't get any words out at first, so he just ground his teeth for a few seconds. . Finally, he ground out "The bastard tried to - to - **TOUCH** me!"

So, those rumors about Tucker were true - gorge rose in my throat - Shou Tucker was a pedophile. Ugh. A sexual predator who targeted children, he must have thought Ed would be easy; just work on the kid's guilt about his little brother.

Ed was still snarling like a feral dog, "I may only be a kid, but our mother taught Al and me the difference between 'good touches', and 'bad touches'." Mustang put his hands up in a placating gesture. "Ok, Ed, just go downstairs with Hughes and cool off."

I gave Ed a smile and put my hand on his shoulder - it was hard as granite - "C'mon Ed, calm down, it's O.K., he won't try anything now." The shoulder relaxed - only a fraction. Tucker started crying - "My hands! My hands! Look what he did to my beautiful hands! Now how will I create my chimeras?"

"Let me see" ordered Mustang, and the whimpering Tucker (geez, man, grow a fucking spine!) complied. The cuts did indeed look nasty, but, except for one across the back of Tucker's left hand which would probably need stitches, the others were shallower. They were bleeding a lot, which looked scary, but hopefully there would be no nerve damage.

Ed's breathing was almost back to normal when Tucker had to put his goddamed foot into it. "Look what you did!" he shrilled "Look what you did! You've destroyed my hands, you little bastard, you've ruined everything! Now I will never pass my assesment test!"

Those golden eyes narrowed, one sliding back to look threateningly at my hand, which was still on his shoulder; a low growl rose anew in his throat.

Don't push it, Tucker. Of course, the moron had to. He whispered, "You were so tense, I was just trying to put you at your ease, you knew what I wanted to do, and you would have liked it." Elric was hard as granite again, his small body was actually vibrating with his growl. Shut up, Tucker, shut up!

Of course, he wouldn't shut up. "You act like you're so tough, but deep inside, you were willing, I bet you did it with your brother before you put him in that tin can, so why couldn't you - ."

The explosion was spectacular. Elric tensed, then leapt for Tucker's throat, arm blade up, I took advantage of his slight hesitation to transfer my hand to his wrist, then I spun around and caught the furious boy by the waist as he screamed:

**"YOU _MOTHER_-FUCKER! SON OF A BITCHING COCK-SUCKING BASTARD SHITHEAD ASSHOLE!"**

Before the stream of abuse from those lips had ended, I think I'd gone into a state of shock. Even that committed bachelor, Mustang turned pale. Where had a not quite twelve year old learned language like that? Oh yeah. From Havoc, Falman, Breda, and Bloch - and probably others - all of them swore like, well - troopers. I made a mental note to tell the men to self censor themselves around the Elric brothers, then I promptly erased it. The genie was aleady out of the lamp on this subject. Summoning all my strength, I took a firmer grip on Edward's waist and hoisted the little fury off his feet, then carefully backed out of the room.

Tucker just had to get the last word in: "I just wanted a little kiss!" he wailed, "I've been alone for two years, it - it would have hurt so good!"

Way to go, asshole, piss this kid off even more. Ed was screaming every curse word he knew, thankfully at such a volume most of it was incoherent. Just as we crossed the threshold, he grabbed on to the doorframe, bringing me to a complete halt. He took one deep breath, and delivered his parting shot:

**"YOU BASTARD! I HOPE THE STATE ALCHEMIST KILLER GETS YOU! AND I HOPE HE CUTS YOUR BALLS OFF TOO!"**

A strangled wail of horror from Tucker greeted this outburst, but blessedly, I'd wrenched Edward's hand free by then and was half carrying - half dragging him down the stairs. Ed was struggling madly, demanding I release him, kicking out, kicking me - damn, that hurt when his left foot connected with my shin! His metal hand was back to normal, but where ever it grabbed at the banister, chunks of wood were torn off. Halfway down the steps, a nervous "Sir!" told me Bloch had come back inside, and he helped me haul the struggling State Alchemist-to-be down the rest of the staircase and into the kitchen, where we dropped him on a chair and held him there.

Ross was already there, stirring something into a glass of milk; she caught my gaze and said "I found a bottle of calming draught in the cupboard, sir, maybe this will settle him down."

Bloch took a firm grip on Edward's elbows from behind the chair, while I pushed back on his right shoulder, and pinned his feet of fury with my right leg. "Here, Edward," Ross crooned, "drink this, it'll help you calm down." Elric greeted this news by baring his teeth and muttering "I don't like milk." He started fighting in earnest again, soI placed my right hand on his chest and pushed him back against the chair.

"You're on your own, Ross."

She gripped Ed's chin with one hand and tried her best. "C'mon, Edward, open up." **"NO! DAMMIT NO!"** Inwardly, I groaned; _Oh man!_, he was working himself back into Full-On Rage Mode.

Then Ross did something totally unexpected. Setting the glass down on the table, she stepped back a bit and saluted him. Slightly amazed at this, he stopped struggling for a few seconds. "Edward, I apologize in advance for my rude behavior." Then she took careful aim with her right hand and slapped him, hard across his face.

Touche, Ross. The boy looked dazed, but we both knew that state wouldn't last, so she acted fast. Grabbing his jaw with her left, she pulled it open, then poured in as much of the calming draught as possible before he snapped out of it. He really had no choice: swallow, or choke. A few thin runnels of milk ran down the corners of his mouth, but it looked like she'd gotten most of it into him.

Now for my next task. the Elric brothers couldn't stay here any longer, so I had to make alternate housing arrangements for them. After telling Bloch and Ross to keep him on that chair, I went in search of a phone. Gracia was very understanding, especially after I quickly explained the circumstances causing my lateness, and she said she would go right away to get the guest bedroom ready. After a few heartfelt "I love yous" and smooches over the phone, I hung up and went back to check on progress in the kitchen.

The draught was starting to work on Edward, his eyes were half closed, and his breathing had steadied as he slumped in the chair; I suspected Ross had given him an adult dose of the draught. He would likely sleep the rest of the night, and probably wake up with a sore throat. Mustang would just love it if the feisty little punk lost his voice.

Ross looked troubled. "What's on your mind?"

"Sir? What about Nina?" Ah, poor kid. Without any family in Central, she would have to go to the Central Orphanage, a fate I wouldn't wish on the ugliest child of my worst enemy.

Another tentative "Sir?"

"Yes, Ross?"

"Well, sir, I talked to her in the car, and if my duties are over for the night, I would take her - just for tonight." I'm touched, that Ross is a real softy. And here I had always thought she was Hawkeye's prime rival for the 'Toughest Bitch In the Military' award. I'd have to broach it with Mustang first.

Not too surprisingly, Mustang agreed. He had to take Tucker to the stockade and book him anyways. Tomorrow, he'd be brought up on charges of Attempted Lewd Conduct With A Child; and whatever other charges Roy's devious mind could come up with.

Elric was in a stupor by now, he wasn't quite unconscious, but he would be unable to walk. Bloch was having trouble holding him upright so he wouldn't fall out of the chair. He helped me sling Ed over my shoulder - for such a little kid, he was heavier than he looked - and we took him out to the car.

"BROTHER!" Oops, better calm Alphonse down.

"It's O.K. Al, he's just a little doped up - he'll be fine by morning."

Ross climbed into the front seat with Havoc and they drove off, first they would drop the combative blond off at my house, then go to the women's dorms at the barracks. A military police wagon pulled up right after, and on cue, Mustang came out with Tucker - fully dressed, and with a coat on, his hands bandaged. The MPs took over from there, cuffed him, and shoved him into the van. I really hope he keeps his mouth shut - the MPs don't take too kindly to child molesters, and Tucker might arrive at the stockade with some extra bruises. Mustang climbed in after him, the doors were slammed shut and they were gone.

Now it's just me and Al. "Al, I've arranged for you two to stay with Gracia and I - ."

Al interrupts. "What about Nina?" Soft hearted kid. "She will stay with Lt. Ross for tonight, but she will probably end up in the Central Orphanage tomorrow."

Al makes an unhappy noise in his 'throat', so I put my hand on his arm and say "Hey, it's OK, Bloch will be going to Ross's after, he'll take along some of her things, right Bloch?"

Bloch is swaying on his feet with weariness, but he still salutes and says "Yes, sir!" smartly. I look at my watch, 2250 hours, wow! Funny how time flies when you're quelling a minor riot. It's gotten chillier - more snow tonight - I can feel it in my bones. So I button up my greatcoat, pull up the collar and dig in the pockets for my fur-lined gloves.

"It's a nice night for a walk Al, feel up to it?" Al likes the idea, we can have a good man-to-boy's-soul-trapped-in-a-suit-of-armor talk. So off we go, just a dog of the military, and a walking tin can, heading for home as the first flakes drift down.

**another author's note:** I really enjoyed writing this, and I hope you enjoyed reading it. I just sat down at the word processor, and the original draft came together in about an hour. Note: "Draught" is the British spelling of "draft". Why do they spell so weird? I dunno. Go figure.


End file.
